


Humanity's Strongest Soldier, Broken

by MissErikaCourt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Despair, F/M, Loss, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissErikaCourt/pseuds/MissErikaCourt
Summary: They've just arrived back from the 57th expedition and Levi is having problems coping with the deaths of his squad mates, especially Petra.





	Humanity's Strongest Soldier, Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I've always shipped Levi and Petra, but I've seen some really cute fan art of Levi and Hanji and I just got inspired for this fic. Hope you like it!

They'd returned to their haven behind the walls three days ago, or at least some of them had. Levi hadn't left his room since they got back. His only company had been a few bottles of whiskey he'd picked up on the way there after he'd put his horse away. The curtains in his room stayed drawn, he didn't even turn on a light, he just sat there drinking and thinking about what had happened. He couldn't hold it against Eren, not really. It wasn't his fault that humanity's last hope happened to be him. He just wished he could have gotten there sooner. If he hadn't stopped to fill up his gas before he went back to regroup with his squad, he might have been able to save them. To save _her._ He resented Erwin a little for that, but he had a lot of negative feelings toward his commander. _It's for the good of the human race._ That's what he kept telling himself, but his faith in that statement had begun to slip again. The knock on his door was a surprise. He pushed himself from his bed and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. He wore the same clothes that he'd worn on the expedition, his shirt half unbuttoned. He was a mess, but he really didn't care. He opened the door slowly to reveal Hanji standing there.

“Levi, what are you doing? Still sleeping? You look like a mess.” She said, pushing past him and into his room. He didn't even try to stop her, he knew it was no use.

“What do you want, Hanji?” He asked, exhausted already from her unchanging hyperactive energy. She was always this way, no matter what. He hated it.

“I was just dropping by to check on you. No one has seen you since we got back. We were starting to get worried.” She said, eying the bottle on the table and the two others lying empty on the counter top.

“I'm fine, I assure you. Just resting.”

“I didn't know resting involved a bottle of whiskey every day.”

“I needed help resting.” He replied, walking to his bed and throwing himself back down on it. He didn't even care that she was there, he wasn't going to go to any special lengths to accommodate a guest he hadn't asked for.

“Levi...I know that it's hard...” Hanji started, but he didn't want anything to do with it.

“I don't want to hear your bullshit, you shitty glasses. I didn't ask for your sympathy or your pity. Just leave me alone.” He turned his back on her to hide the tears that were steadily forming in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

“I'm sorry. I'm just worried.” She said, her usually happy tone vanished and replaced with concern. “I know how close you were to them...especially Petra...”

“I said stop Hanji!” He said, turning toward her. He couldn't stop it now, the tears had made their way down his face already. “You don't have a clue about any of that!”

“Levi...”

“Everyone likes to pretend that they know exactly how I feel. Poor tortured Levi, how sad. You don't know what it feels like to have everyone you've ever loved ripped away from you, Hanji!”

“You're right...I don't know how that feels...but you can't say that I don't know how it feels to lose someone I care about, Levi. I know that you loved her...it's completely evident, and you're mourning her loss. It's understandable. But you can't drink yourself into an early grave. We need you. Humanity needs you.”

“Oh, you came to remind me of my duty to humanity.” Levi scoffed, tossing his head to remove the hair from in front of his eyes. “Don't worry Hanji, I'll continue to be Erwin's pawn. I'm sure that's why he sent you here.”

“No one sent me, Levi. I told you the truth when I came in here...I am concerned about you.” Hanji said, averting her gaze as she spoke. Her intention hadn't been to reveal her feelings for him, and she knew now wasn't the time to do it, so soon after he'd lost Petra. She just wanted to make sure that he was okay.

“Right, as evident by the way you're reminding me of my duties to humanity. Thank you for your concern, Hanji. I'll be fine. Anything else?” Levi asked, annoyed that the conversation had gone on as long as it had. He hadn't had any intention on ending his life, he just needed a few days to absorb and suppress everything that had happened.

“Levi...” Hanji started, but she knew it was a waste. She couldn't talk to him like this, he wouldn't listen. She would just have to wait for a better opportunity. “No...that's it. I just wanted to be sure you were okay.”

“Then get out. I want to be alone.” Levi said, laying back down on his bed as Hanji walked toward the door.

“I'm sorry I bothered you, Levi.” She apologized as she opened the door and closed it firmly behind her upon exiting. He hated her, it was obvious, but she couldn't stand keeping her feelings for him locked away inside. She didn't know how he did it, keeping everyone at an arm's length, but she would just have to move on. Levi didn't want her, and she couldn't make him better.

“I love you.” She whispered against the door before she walked away. Maybe one day, when the titans are eradicated, she would be able tell him the truth. Maybe one day, if they both survive until then, they'll both get the love they deserve.

Levi laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he heard her footsteps get quieter and quieter. Of course he regretted talking to her like that, he would be a fool to not see how she felt about him. He just couldn't deal with it now. He'd loved Petra for as long as he'd known her, and he'd never told her about it. He knew that Hanji must be feeling the same way about him. The fact that his whole squad died more than likely made her feel that it was an even more pressing matter to reveal her feelings. He was glad she hadn't, because right now he didn't know what he would have said to her. He closed his eyes, just one more regret to add to the list. _You let Farlan and Isabel die. You let your entire squad die. You're letting Hanji suffer because you're too selfish to love her back. How pathetic. You truly are worthless, Levi._ He thought to himself, blinking away more tears. He got up from the bed and poured another glass of whiskey for himself. Maybe one day he could learn not to be afraid to love people. Maybe one day he could accept Hanji. But right now, all he could do was be humanity's strongest soldier, whether he believed in his own strength or not.


End file.
